Chris [00:29:37] Yeah. You recognize, it is humorous, Lisa, typically, uh, bids can go mistaken. I do not wish to take this too far, however typically they we will do it the mistaken manner. Like, I can poke you, proper? You recognize, like, bear in mind, I do know there’s issues now, , I do not know the way you do it with texting or the way you do it. You you both like, that is a, , that is like saying, hey, your discover, your image, your story I see you you prefer it. That is a individuals put a variety of issues on the market to say. Would you please listen? Do not individuals discover how many individuals like their, , their put up or.
Alisa [00:30:14] Nice level. Yeah.
Chris [00:30:15] And folks you make a put up and if no one favored it, you are like, uh, am Iinvisible?
Alisa [00:30:21] You’re feeling rejected.
Chris [00:30:22] You’re feeling rejected. So. So we hit, we poke or we like or we ship anyone assaults saying, hey, simply serious about you or no matter these are. You recognize, that is type of the non-verbal or not less than you must be in the identical room on a regular basis, proper? It could possibly be only a textual content. I feel when it may go dangerous is when you’ve got the mistaken, uh, , method, for example to a bit like, for instance, not less than, um, you do not you do not thoughts if I tickle you, , or message you, however you do not prefer it if it will get, , an excessive amount of, an excessive amount of. And but, uh, what I needed to be taught was, oh, I assumed I used to be simply bidding and getting her consideration, however we may do it within the damaging the mistaken manner. You recognize, we will get their consideration in a impolite manner or an inappropriate manner.
Alisa [00:31:11] Okay. Good level.
Chris [00:31:13] So, bids for consideration. This concept of needing to really feel recognized and heard and understood as a human high quality, a human want in all relationships, and the ways in which we will improve our consciousness of that is one. Concentrate. Ask yourself, am I lacking these bits? Like that husband who stated, my spouse’s books? Who cares what the story is? He acknowledged I’m lacking her bits and he stated, I’ll change this. In reality, he was he I feel afterwards he goes, yeah, I feel I would learn, , the e-book of the primary e-book or two simply to see what she’s speaking about. And I and I assume not less than on the finish of the day, um, it is a good way to do a extremely fast analysis of your relationship and your personal, , method to your partner’s bids. What do you suppose?
Alisa [00:32:14] I feel undoubtedly so. As a result of actually, when these when this sort of, um, responded to bids, after they get ignored sufficient and so they, they, they type of pile up. Effectively, they then your partner actually begins to query whether or not or not you are going to ever be responsive. After which what is going on to result’s that these bids for one another’s consideration start to say no. And that is after we start to really feel disconnected. That is after we sense that, hey, uh, , we it this goes on lengthy sufficient. We lastly get to the purpose of, I really feel like we’re not in love anymore. I really like you, however I am not in love with you. That is the place that comes from. And so it is lacking these small, on a regular basis, bizarre alternatives that that one another places on the market. And so I really like that you simply stated the primary. One of many first methods to extend these bids is to concentrate to now and listen and know. And do you bear in mind after we first, um, after we first realized this? Um, I bear in mind being in it at a convention that somebody was educating a wedding and household therapist. This was a long time in the past after we realized about this. It was eye opening for me. And so after we first began studying and training and attempting to concentrate to this idea, do you keep in mind that you and I might sit there and every time one in all us made that that bid for one another’s consideration, we might say, hey, bid for consideration, bid for consideration. It is like reaching over within the automobile to carry your hand, bid for consideration, bid for consideration. However what it did is it served to remind us. Oh, effectively, I he is bidding, I am bidding. We do want to concentrate to this.